Why?

[Jaded 7]

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?

Because they are plugged into a genius.


2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING FOREPLAY?

They don't have enough time.


3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?

They don't stop to ask directions.


4. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?

Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.


5. WHY DON'T WOMEN HAVE MEN'S BRAINS?

Because they don't have penises to put them in.


6. WHAT DO ELECTRIC TRAINS AND BREASTS HAVE IN COMMON?

They're intended for children, but men usually play with them.


7. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?

Because their balls fall over their *******s and they vapor lock.


8. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?

So they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.


9. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?

You need a rough draft before you make a final copy.


10. WHY IS A MAN'S PEE YELLOW AND HIS SPERM WHITE?

So he can tell if he's coming or going.


11. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?

Don't know...... it never happened.

:D

[Patrick76777]

Little Miss Jaded thinks she's funny Huh..........;-)

you need to change your name to Bitter7. :D

[billsfanone]

11. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?

Don't know...... it never happened.

I never understood the complaint. If it bothers you women so much to accidentally sit on a seatless bowl, then CHECK BEFORE YOU SIT DOWN.

But that would require common sense, wouldn't it?

[BogusTrumper]

Someone explain #7 to me. I can't seem to fill in the blanks.

[TonyT]

Ice Princess, Question one needs alot more proof are you up to it?
Question #10 and answer is dead right!!!

[Jaded 7]

#7 - a$$holes is the blank word.

I'm not bitter LOG. I love men. ;)

Sure you do, but only after they've passed on.

[BogusTrumper]

They're pretty much all right. :)

(except that #7. I can't say if that's right or not)

[Halbert]

LMAO.

Nice job, Jaded. I haven't seen these before.

[bills_phan]

I stole this, but it's funny!

Training courses:

Women think they already know everything, but wait... training courses are now available for women in the following subjects:

Silence, the final frontier: Where no woman has gone before.

The undiscovered side of banking: Making deposits.

Parties: Going without new outfits.

Man management: Minor household chores can wait till after the game.

Bathroom etiquette i: Men need space in the bathroom cabinet too.

Bathroom etiquette ii: His razor is his.

Communication skills i: Tears - the last resort, not the first.

Communication skills ii: Thinking before speaking.

Communication skills iii: Getting what you want without nagging.

Driving a car safely: A skill you can acquire.

Telephone skills: How to hang up.

Advanced parking: Backing into a space.

Water retention: Fact or fat.

Cooking i: Bringing back bacon, eggs and butter.

Cooking ii: Bran and tofu are not for human consumption.

Cooking iii: How not to inflict your diets on other people.

Compliments: Accepting them gracefully.

PMS: Your problem... not his.

Dancing: Why men don't like to.

Classic clothing: Wearing outfits you already have.

Household dust: A harmless natural occurrence only women notice.

Integrating your laundry: Washing it all together.

Oil and gas: Your car needs both.

TV remotes: For men only.

[Jaded 7]

Thanks. :) I thought they were hysterical. And oh so true. :D

Clumpling Platelets - you gotta stop with those d@mn blonde jokes. lol Can't wait to smell....err...meet you CP. :)

TonyT - I'm extremely intelligent but I'm not willing to waste my intelligence on a stupid man. lol ;)

[Halbert]

Originally posted by billsfanone
11. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?

Don't know...... it never happened.

I never understood the complaint.

Yeah, me either. They say that it's selfish to leave it up but there is a huge error in that logic.

If a woman wants the seat to always be down that means that the man is the ONLY one to ever move it. They get to always just walk up and sit, yet since we stand about 80% of the time then we have to move it up AND down every single time we pee. So they want us to always move it so they don't EVER have to, while for us its up/down/up/down/up/down. That always sounded selfish to me.

Now I'm getting pi$$ed. lol.

[Patrick76777]

Originally posted by Jaded 7
#
I'm not bitter LOG. I love men. ;)

Jaded is a Good American Girl and I love it

[Jaded 7]

Originally posted by Rude American Sure you do, but only after they've passed on.
Have you passed on?

[Jaded 7]

Originally posted by Patrick76777 Jaded is a Good American Girl and I love it
Yes I am. A good, Catholic, American girl. :)

#8 - Must have had me in mind

By the way- I'm always yelling at my wife because she is ALWAYS leavingn the toilet lid down. Nothing is more embarassing than peeing into a toilet that has the lid down. Geesh! Some consideration here!!

[Jaded 7]

LOL Dozerdog. Are you saying you're like a dog? ;) It's funny, I always put the toilet seat down too. Who wants to look at a toilet bowl anyway? Plus, I have a dog and the last thing I need is her drinking out of it and then licking my face.....YUCK! :)

[TacklingDummyRJ]

Jaded, Penis Envy?

[Halbert]

Originally posted by Dozerdog
I'm always yelling at my wife because she is ALWAYS leavingn the toilet lid down. Nothing is more embarassing than peeing into a toilet that has the lid down.

You would think the seat sprinkles alone would be incentive enough ...

[Jaded 7]

Originally posted by TacklingDummyRJ Jaded, Penis Envy?
Not hardly! lol

[BogusTrumper]

Okay. Here's my thing: If a woman forgets to leave the seat up, then the worst that can happen is the sprinkle thing. If a man forgets to put the seat down, then someone is going to end up falling into the toilet. That's bad.

You should Look before you Leak.....er.... Leap

Catholic girls start much too late. I'd rather laught with the sinners that cry with the saints. The sinners are much more fun. You know that only the good die young.

Hense, I'm still alive and I'm so bad I may be immortal.

[billsfanone]

Ok Billy Joel.

[BogusTrumper]

That's "I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints" :rolleyes:

Those Catholic chicks are wild.

[BogusTrumper]

Originally posted by Dozerdog
You should Look before you Leak.....er.... Leap

What about at night?

[billsfanone]

The Catholic girls I knew didn't start late.

[Patrick76777]

Local Catholic girls High School, Mt. Mercy is known as the Red Bricked Whore House.

kidd my bug vlack ass, Nogus.

[shiva2999]

A woman is in a coma. Nurses are in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them is washing her "private area" and notices there's a response on the monitor when she touches her. They go to her husband and explain what happened, telling him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of her coma."

The husband is skeptical but they assure him they'll close the curtains. Besides, it's worth a try. The husband finally agrees and goes into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flatlines.....no pulse.....no heart rate. The nurses run into the room. The husband is standing there pulling up his pants and says, "I think she choked."

[Halbert]

Originally posted by BogusTrumper
What about at night?

Well, we get up at night, too. And besides, I have to look every time because I don't like "sprinkle build-up".

Plus, hearing the "splash" and subsequent scream is like a bonus!

Originally posted by Dozerdog
You should Look before you Leak.....er.... Leap
Originally posted by BogusTrumper

What about at night?

I see your point. If lifting a toilet seat is to complicated for ya then lifting the light switch is way over your head. You're not Blonde, are ya??;)

[Halbert]

Originally posted by Patrick76777
Local Catholic girls High School, Mt. Mercy is known as the Red Bricked Whore House.

Pardon me, sir, but would you happen to have an address?

[Patrick76777]

Abbott Road, South Buffalo. Have fun

[Jaded 7]

Originally posted by Dozerdog I see your point. If lifting a toilet seat is to complicated for ya then lifting the light switch is way over your head. You're not Blonde, are ya??;)
Uhhh, only bleach blonde are dumb. All the chemicals rot their brians. We NATURAL blondes are extremely intelligent! :D

And not all Catholic girls are whores. lol I"m waiting until I'm married. :) Unless I find a bad boy to soil my lily white reputation. ;)

[Patrick76777]

I'll take care of Ya. I'll Soil your rep 4 times a night

Originally posted by Patrick76777
I'll take care of Ya. I'll Soil your rep 4 times a night

Total elapsed time- 45 seconds

[BogusTrumper]

Yeah. right. :rolleyes:

[Patrick76777]

Guys I'm only 25 I'm in my Prime.. The first time will be 45 Seconds then I'll be ready to go. Drink lots of OJ

[snodog]

I refer you back to Jaded's first post - # 2


ROFL

[FrankieA]

I got this from the movie 3000 Miles to Graceland.

Q.What is the smartest thing that ever came out of a womens mouth?

A.Einstiens c**k

Sorry, I busted out laughing when I heard that in the movie theatre, my then girlfriend slapped the hell out of me.

[BillsNYC]

Originally posted by Dozerdog


Total elapsed time- 45 seconds

whoa whoa!!! leave me out of this! lmao



:hump:

[TonyT]

Ice-princess, now I'm not a stupid man, I married a valavictorian who could have had her choice of men and careers but she fell in LOVE with me , so who's the stupid one.

[Jaded 7]

Tony - If you're married, whether or not I'm "up to the task" is irrelevant," since I don't fool around with married men. :) And, apparently you can't account for taste when a woman falls in love. lol (jk) :D

[BogusTrumper]

Originally posted by TonyT
Ice-princess, now I'm not a stupid man, I married a valavictorian who could have had her choice of men and careers but she fell in LOVE with me , so who's the stupid one.

Not the valavictorian. Is a valavictorian a women who wears her hair in a bun and buttons her high collared shirt up all the way? Or do I have that confused with something else? :)

[Patrick76777]

Originally posted by TonyT
Ice-princess, now I'm not a stupid man, I married a valavictorian who could have had her choice of men and careers but she fell in LOVE with me , so who's the stupid one.


WoW A Valavictorian. That must be something. Imagine if you would have gotten the Valedictorian.

[TonyT]

I messed up with the spelling ( what I meant was she was the brightest ,smartest in her class) and Ice-Princess I don't fool around period!. There isn't anyone out there worth ruining my marriage over, let alone catching some disease from any of you who sleep around ! I think my wife has pretty good taste, and I so do I.

[Patrick76777]

Hey I love girls that sleep around, please don't discourge that. Men want women to be bad girls in the sack and like good moms all the other times. I like Dirty girls. Not that I'm saying Jaded is either but If she likes sex (like I do) then good for her.

[Jaded 7]

Originally posted by TonyT Ice-Princess I don't fool around period!. There isn't anyone out there worth ruining my marriage over, let alone catching some disease from any of you who sleep around ! I think my wife has pretty good taste, and I so do I.
Good for you Tony! :) Not many men value and respect their wives or their marriage vows.

Patrick - I don't sleep around nor am I a "dirty girl." lol I'm looking for Mr. Right and I'll wait until I find him. :angel1:

[Patrick76777]

THat's too bad but I assumed that he was talking about you and tried to snap back at him.

Ps I'm sure you can be dirty when you want to be.

[Justafan]

LMAO! good thread Princess!

[Justafan]

I was at a friends place once and I left the toilet seat cover and seat up. She had cats . Needless to say one of them went
-> :flush: and I went ->:couch:

Why do women let their booty find the toilet instead of using their eyes to find it. I think that's what the eyes are for to look first. Do you cross the street w/o looking? LOl.

Guys make sure you have the seat down before bed. Coz' when women get up in the middle of the night to use the john when they're barely awake is when they really need the seat down because women turn arround take down their panties off and bend over, 6 feet away from the toilet and start backing up til their bums touch that cold toilet w/ the seat up. And then ....helloooo! They are all of a sudden wide awake and when they can't go back to sleep they make you pay. :lecture:

[TonyT]

Ice Princess, I wasn't snapping at you, I'm glad you respect my ideals, and I'm glad you're a good girl. It's worth waiting for the right person , I almost married the wrong person but I woke -up and waited another 5 years for Miss right, I was 30 when we married and 34 and 38 when we had our sons. I couldn't be happier, just wish I had more time for me and the wife but we're working on it.

[Jaded 7]

Tony - No problem. :) I almost married the wrong person too. That was 5 years ago and I'm still waiting for my Mr. Right to come along. Hopefully soon. I'm glad you and your wife are happy together. These days it's encouraging to hear of good, happy marriages. I hope I'll be as happy as you and your wife are. Best of luck. :)

[Patrick76777]

Originally posted by TonyT
I couldn't be happier, just wish I had more time for me and the wife but we're working on it.

Of course you don't have anytime. It's tough with my daughter and i'm 25. That's why I'm having my kids Young.

[Jaded 7]

You have a daughter Patrick? How old is she? Are you married?

[TonyT]

Patrick, from one of your notes it seemed you were not married if thats the case then you are you raising your daughter yourself.

[Patrick76777]

Negitive. I am Married and Madison is 9 Months old. I'm just a very Sexual person and I like to Joke about it.

[Jaded 7]

She sounds cute Patrick and I love her name. :) If I had twin girls I want to name them Madison and Lexington (2 major avenues in NYC). Are you going to the draft party?

[Patrick76777]

Don't know Where is it???

[Jaded 7]

It's in Rochester on Saturday April 20th. It will be at a bar but they haven't decided on which one yet. Wys will post all the information when it's finalized.

[Patrick76777]

I may be able to make it Are they Fun?

[Jaded 7]

I think boys are harder to raise than girls. All my brothers needed to be slapped 24/7. I, on the other hand, was an angel. :angel1:

Patrick - I have no idea if draft parties are fun. I've never been to one nor have I ever watched the draft on TV.

[Justafan]

Originally posted by Jaded 7
I think boys are harder to raise than girls.

I don't think so. Take Britney Spears . Everyone wants to sleep w/ her but no one would want her for a daughter. I'd die if she wore clothes like that . (Unless she shares her millions w/ her parents.lol.)

I would want my daughter to turn out like Jaded7.:girl:

[BogusTrumper]

I've always wanted a daughter. Sigh.

[TonyT]

I always wanted a daughter , my youngest who is now 4 was supposed to be girl , the ultrasound tech. said she was 95% sure it was a girl, next thing I know my wife is having an emergency C-section and the Doctor tells us it's a boy! Talk about surprised we didn't decide on a boys name even. But with hindsight I'm glad we have 2 boys most of the time they're best freinds. I DON'T have slap either one of them an occasionaly spank to the butt does the trick, along with punishment like taking some privlege away.

[BogusTrumper]

Cool surprise. My boys never -- I mean never ever -- stop moving. Plus, I'll be surrounded by Martians the rest of my life. How old are your boys Tony?

[TonyT]

Bogus, mine never stop until we get them in bed (which is not easy most of the time) They are 7 and 4 , our house is filled with Hot Wheels, Legos, and Thomas the Tank Engine Toys with many feet of track and recently electric trains and hockey equipment. I don't mind but my wife isn't used to the all the boy toys.

[TonyT]

Bogus, my oldest also liked Flutie,( to my dismay) but we got him the Flakes and the jersey and cards. I just keep remembering the old days with Kelly and co.

[Patrick76777]

Originally posted by Justafan


I don't think so. Take Britney Spears . Everyone wants to sleep w/ her but no one would want her for a daughter. I'd die if she wore clothes like that . (Unless she shares her millions w/ her parents.lol.)

I would want my daughter to turn out like Jaded7.:girl:

If your daughter dresses like that just say to her, "You're not going out like that are you? That outfit makes you look fat"

[BogusTrumper]

Mine are 7 and 4 too. My 7 year old is starting to feel like his brother is a burden. It makes me sad. I can relate to the Thomas and Hot Wheels toys. My husband doesn't understand why it is important to have the toys easily accessible.

My 7 year old hates football. My fault. All it means to him is that I hog the tv; that I shush him every two minutes; and that he is not the center of attention. My 4 year old has a if you can't beat 'em join 'em attitude. He loved Flutie. When my husband got him an Amerks jersey (Christmas 2000) he was so excited about his "Flutie" jersey that we hated to tell him what it really was. So I went out and got him a Flutie jersey too. He is not sentimental though. He fully embraced RJ when Flutie was gone. Better than me, I think.

I don't know the first thing about boys. I never know when to step in when they're playing. It all looks so brutal.

[Justafan]

Originally posted by Patrick76777


If your daughter dresses like that just say to her, "You're not going out like that are you? That outfit makes you look fat"

At that age , kids think they're parents are weird. Our wouldn't count.

Honey, why are you wearing that outfit?

Daughter. "Dad ,Oops I did again, I'm not that innocent"

[TonyT]

Bogus , I solved the problem of getting more Flutie jerseys when they out grew them , my wife found Kelly jeresys at a garage sale or at least they have #12 on the back, I of course made the big mistake and got an RJ jersey, which I will probably sell this year or trash. The boys love the Sabres so we got them Sabres jerseys and sweat shirts /pants hats. They look cool when there all decked out.