Johnson Cut By the Skins

[TheBillsDog]

Rob was cut today by the Skins. Big Surprise huh?

[bad radio]

Really? when did that happen?

[finsrclowns]

link?

[bps21]

From ESPN under the Redskins team page:

The Redskins changed backup QBs Oct. 22, signing Tim Hasselbeck and cutting Rob Johnson. Hasselbeck has spent the last two training camps with Philadelphia. He spent one game on Carolina's roster last year, then he appeared in two games with the Eagles as a holder late in the season. Undrafted out of Boston College, Hasselbeck has also spent time in training camp with Baltimore and has played in NFL Europe


BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[bduff54]

this is great, lol what a loser.

[wagoncircler]

http://www.redskins.com/story.asp?ContentID=12145

The Redskins have signed quarterback Tim Hasselbeck to the team's 53-man roster. To make room for Hasselbeck, the team released backup QB Rob Johnson.

Hasselbeck, 6-1 and 211 pounds, is expected to serve as a backup to starter Patrick Ramsey.

He joins the Redskins after spending the 2003 offseason and training camp with the Philadelphia Eagles, completing 21-of-39 passes for 205 yards in pre-season play.

In 2002, Hasselbeck spent time with Philadelphia and the Carolina Panthers. He was initially released by the Eagles after he completed 23-of-32 passes for 200 yards and a touchdown in four pre-season games.

He signed with Carolina's practice squad and was later promoted to the active roster for a game against Tampa Bay. Carolina released him a few weeks later.

Hasselbeck resigned with the Eagles' practice squad in November 2002. A week later, he was promoted to the active roster after starter Donovan McNabb and backup Koy Detmer were sidelined by injuries. He made his NFL debut as a holder against St. Louis and was a backup to the Eagles' A.J. Feeley for several games late last season.

Hasselbeck is the son of former NFL tight end Don Hasselbeck and brother of Seattle Seahawks starting quarterback Matt Hasselbeck. The former Boston College star signed as a rookie free agent with Buffalo prior to the 2001 season but did not make the squad.

He finished his collegiate career ranked sixth in total passing yards (3,980), fifth in touchdowns (29) and seventh in both pass completions (278) and attempts (501). He earned MVP honors in Boston College's Aloha Bowl win over Arizona State.

Johnson had seen limited duty in his brief time with the Redskins. He played in the fourth quarter of the last two games against Tampa Bay and Buffalo, completing 5-of-7 passes for 39 yards. He was sacked three times.

[shiva2999]

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

What a dumbass!

Fired for having a big mouth.

[bad radio]

I love how that article ends.

"He was sacked three times"

Jesus. That means he dropped back 10 times this year and got sacked 30% of the time. To put that in perspective, Bledsoe has 222 pass attempts this season, and been sacked 20 times. So, 242 drops. If he'd been sacked at the rate RJ was this year, he'd have been sacked 73 times already.

Which, coincidentally, is the number of times he was sacked all of last year.


um.........lots of time on my hands today...........


***oops, I was wrong, Bledsoe was sacked only 54 times last year. looked at the wrong column***

[looser]

merged

[shiva2999]

How fitting that the last sack of RJ's career was by the Bills.

God's final revenge for Rob blowing the Tennessee game!

[looser]

Originally posted by TheBillsDog
Rob was cut today by the Skins. Big Surprise huh?

Chips for the good newsbringer :D

[wagoncircler]

I had the link! Me too me too dad!

[bad radio]

Originally posted by shiva2999
How fitting that the last sack of RJ's career was by the Bills.

God's final revenge for Rob blowing the Tennessee game!

I'm sorry, what? That was probably one of the best games of Rob's sorry career. Special teams blew it.

FORWARD LATERAL!!!!!!

you're talking about that game, right?

[MR. GIBBERISH]

awesome news, I still can't believe that some people actually wanted him starting instead of doug. Tsk Tsk RJ's pathetic play and doug's locker room antics did much to destroy this team. Thank God for Drew.

[shiva2999]

Originally posted by bad radio
I'm sorry, what? That was probably one of the best games of Rob's sorry career. Special teams blew it.

FORWARD LATERAL!!!!!!

you're talking about that game, right?


Yup.

The very first thing I posted on this site was about how God had cursed the Bills for lying to Doug Flutie and the fans by putting Rob in the Tennessee game.

Look what happened after that.

Homerun throwback. No winning seasons since then. Wade got fired and is now the dc for the lousiest team in football. We hired Gregg Williams. John Butler's dead. Rob is laughed out of the league.

The final thing we need to do to erase the curse forever?

Fire Gregg Williams and hire Teddy Cottrell.

[StraightJ]

Shameless hatred. Rob BEAT the titans, special teams and an illegal play lost the game. Didnt the titans come within a yard or 2 of winning the superbowl that year? I'm not even a RJ fan any more than I am for any of our QB's, but this is a tasteless display that gives Bills fans a bad name.
J

[wagoncircler]

What? Posting a link to a news story is now tasteless? Please.

[looser]

Originally posted by wagoncircler
I had the link! Me too me too dad!
Ok son :D

Originally posted by wagoncircler
What? Posting a link to a news story is now tasteless? Please.

No

[BILLSareBACK]

Lol....I posted this the other day and now i have to add this to the quote...[list=1]
[/list=1] "Maybe they're mad at me because i got a superbowl ring, from a team that cut me right after the game. I hope the Redskins management wont do the same thing to me this sunday if i have to play".... :sukrpnch:[list=1]
[/list=1] http://www.buffalorange.com/showthread.php?s=&postid=476283#vbform

[Psychosis]

Originally posted by StraightJ
Shameless hatred. Rob BEAT the titans, special teams and an illegal play lost the game. Didnt the titans come within a yard or 2 of winning the superbowl that year? I'm not even a RJ fan any more than I am for any of our QB's, but this is a tasteless display that gives Bills fans a bad name.
J


You took the words right out of my mouth.

[shiva2999]

In memoriam. (originally posted Feb 2002 when we still didn't know if Rob would resign or not)



One Bills Drive pt4 - "Rob meets the Wing King"
continued:

EXT. SANTA MONICA BLVD. - L.A. - NIGHT

A long black limo slides through the silky Los Angeles night.

INT. LIMO

Inside is ROB JOHNSON, on his way home from "The Best Damn Sports Show Period" tv studio. He glows with health from a well deserved Hawaiian surfing holiday. His tight shirt shows off muscles honed by hundreds of hours of paddling and a tan that could only be acquired by spending weeks on the beach. He's on his cell phone.

ROB

Yes mom. Yes mom. Of course, mom, the sun block I use is the best money can buy, I get it from this holistic dude. Yes, I put in on every day. Yes, I know you worry mom, yes I have heard about skin cancer. What? No, I didn't meet any nice girls at the studio, they were all skanks. Oh, sorry, I forgot you don't like that word. What's wrong with my attitude? I know you want to have grandkids someday, oh oh mom, the batteries dying on my phone (makes static sounds) gotta hang up (more static sounds).

Rob hangs up and heaves a sigh. He leans forward and taps on the glass. The limo driver winds it down.

ROB

Hey man, I'm starved, can we stop and get a veggie burger someplace?

LIMO DRIVER

No problem Mr. Johnson.

ROB

You rock dude.

The window goes back up. Rob's phone rings. He flips it open. It's DAVID DUNN, Rob's agent.

DAVID

Yo, Robbie baby, how'd the show go, everything alright?

ROB

Yeah, it went fine. I tried to sound smart like you've been teaching me. I think I did ok.

Rob brightens.

And I did get in a couple of shots at the midget. Felt good dude. Did you hear anything from Coach Spurrier? They can't be serious about Danny Weurful, can they? His stats suck. How about Chicago or Cincinnati? Or Detroit or Jacksonville? My dad says...

David cuts him off.

DAVID

Never mind all that, something's come up, something big, really big, I can't tell you what it is over the phone, but I need you to go to the airport right away, you've got just enough time to catch the redeye.

ROB

The redeye dude? Why? And where to? I don't have any clothes with me.

DAVID

The redeye to D.C. And don't worry about the clothes, nobody'll be able to tell the difference anyway.

ROB

Washington! I knew it all along. My dad never steers me wrong. Coach Spurrier does want me!

DAVID

Not quite Rob. It's not Spurrier you're going to meet.

ROB

Well, who is it then?

DAVID

Remember last week when I told you I had to go meet the guy who owns the chicken wing sauce company? Well, I did and he had some very interesting things to say. Very, very interesting.

ROB

Can't we make it next week, Rincon Point's gonna be six to eight feet tomorrow.

DAVID

No, it has to be tomorrow. Next weeks too late. Gotta trust me on this one sweetheart, he's expecting us first thing. Pick you up at the airport. Ciao!

David hangs up. Rob knocks on the glass.

ROB

Ixnay on the veggie burger dude, take me to the airport.

EXT. WASHINGTON D.C. AIRPORT - MORNING

A 747 lands.

EXT. ARRIVALS - DAY

Rob strides out of the terminal with his clothes rumpled and a baseball cap on backwards, but on him it looks good. Another long black limo pulls up and the window winds down. David pokes his head out.

DAVID

Rob, over here. Get in.

Rob gets in and the limo drives away.

INT. LIMO

ROB

Aw dude, I can't believe you made me fly all night to meet Frank Perdue.

DAVID

Did anybody recognise you?

ROB

Hardly anybody. Only a couple guys yelled "you suck!"

DAVID

Good. No ones supposed to know you're here. You can't tell anyone you were here today.

ROB

Why not? And who is this chicken dude anyway?

DAVID

His name is The Wing King, no *****, he had it legally changed, and he's the biggest chicken wing sauce company in the western world. The only guy who's bigger is some honey garlic guy in China. But this is very hush hush. This is one powerful guy, and he's not quite what he seems. And he has the solution to all our problems. Ok?

David looks over at Rob, but Rob's fallen fast asleep.

EXT. WASHINGTON BELTWAY - MORNING

The limo speeds through the morning traffic.

EXT WING KING INTERNATIONAL - DAY

The limo drives through the front gate of a gigantic industrial complex and stops at the security booth. A security guard dressed like a chicken but packing heat walks to the car. The window winds down.

SECURITY GUARD

Bawwwk bawwk bawwk bawwwk! Welcome to WING KING INTERNATIONAL. Can I help you?

DAVID

David Dunn and Rob Johnson to see The Wing King.

SECURITY GUARD

Bawwwk bawwk bawwk bawwwk! Drive right in gentlemen. He's expecting you.

The limo drives toward the main building.

INT. WING KING INTERNATIONAL - DAY

A beautiful blonde walks with David and Rob down a long corridor. Rob's still half asleep. David's undressing her with his eyes.

BLONDE

I can't tell you what a thrill it is to finally meet you, Mr. Johnson, I've seen every game you've ever played, I mean we all have, it's part of our contract with Mr. King that we all have to watch all your games and memorize your stats. Not that it's any hardship of course, we're all huge fans of yours here, did you know Mr. King makes all his employees take lie detector tests so we don't get any rotten apples here that just say they're big fans just to get a job? No sir, we're all "true" fans here!

They arrive at the end of the corridor. The only door is an elevator door.

BLONDE

Well, here we are. The elevator goes directly to Mr. King's office.

The doors open and David and Rob get in.

BLONDE (with a big smile at Rob)

All you have to do is push my, er, THE button. (she giggles)

ROB (smirking as he pushes the button)

Yeah, whatever.

BLONDE (as the door closes)

And good luck in Buffalo again next year!

INT. ELEVATOR

The elevator starts to move rapidly upwards.

DAVID

Christ, was she hot! Whoah! Did you check out the rack on that!

ROB (grimacing and sniffing the air)

I smell skank.

DAVID (laughing)

Man do you have some high standards dude. I know if I were you I'd be getting so much pu**y my ***** would fall off!

ROB (hurt)

Well, I could if I wanted dude, But I have too much respect for my mom to treat women that way. I'm waiting for that special someone, ok?

DAVID (laughing harder)

Just my luck. A feminist qb

ROB (getting suspicious)

Hey, what was that she said about good luck in Buffalo next year? Everybody knows by now I'm not going back, don't they? This whole thing isn't about going back to Buffalo, is it? No way dude, no way, i ain't going, you can't make me!

DAVID (stops laughing abruptly)

Rob, Rob, This is me, David, your agent. What's my job?

ROB

To get the most money.

DAVID

Then let me do my job.

The elevator hisses to a stop. The doors open. They step into...

INT. THE WING KING'S OFFICE - DAY

A huge room that's a riot of chicken stuff. Hundreds of paintings, sculptures, thotckes, rugs and furniture, all with a chicken motif. Floor to ceiling windows overlook the capitol in the distance (we're outside the beltway). A large man in his late thirties with glasses and the body of someone who played touch football as a teenager, something like an even nerdier Mark Cuban, gets up out of his chicken chair behind his chicken desk and rapidly moves toward them with his hand out and a big smile on his face. This is THE WING KING.

WING KING (shaking their hands)

David, great to see you again, glad you could make it. And Rob, what an honor it is to finally meet you after watching you for four years! I'm your biggest fan.

ROB (still baffled by his surroundings)

Nice ta meetcha, Mr. King.

WING KING

Please, please, call me Wings, everybody does, right Dave?

DAVID

You got it Wings.

ROB

Ok, uh, Wings.

WING KING

Come in, sit down please. Have you had any breakfast, can I get you anything, chicken wings are great in the morning, the breakfast of champions.

DAVID

No thanks Wings, I already ate and Rob here's a vegetarian.

WING KING (laughing)

A vegetarian, huh. Well it's good to see that even you're not perfect, Rob. How do you keep that yummy physique if you don't get enough protein?

ROB

Brown rice and beans Wings, they're complementary. And lots of tofu and soy milk.

WING KING

Well that's great as long as we're not stuck in a closet with you!

DAVID (holding his nose)

Don't I know it!

They all laugh. Rob gets into it and grabs his a** and makes a long loud fart*ng noise. They laugh even louder.

WING KING (adoringly)

God you're a great guy. Anyway, down to business. I trust David was appropriately mysterious Rob, like I told him to be?

ROB

Hey, I didn't understand a thing.

WING KING

Good, good. Because there's two parts to what I'm going to propose to you, one official and one definitely unofficial. First the official. Rob, as you know, I started and own the biggest chicken wing sauce company in the free world. I'm rich beyond my wildest dreams and yet I want more. It's the American Way Rob, I'm sure you understand.

ROB

Sure thing Wings. Free enterprise rocks.

WING KING

Right on the mark as usual Rob. Anyway, I've managed to trademark Buffalo, from now on no one other than my company can sell Buffalo chicken wings. Plus I bought out all my major competitors. I've cornered the market, not only the sauce but the whole damn wing. I've got a monopoly. So I've built a whole new processing plant out back and our wings are scheduled to take over the market beginning in September.

ROB

That's great Wings, but where do I fit in?

WING KING

I want you to be the face of The Wing King's Buffalo chicken wings. Your face will be on every package, in every tv commercial. It'll be your voice on the radio. The way Flutie had his flakes, you'll have your wings. We'll have slogans. Rob says, "Bring out all the potential in your wings!". "Take home a sack of our wings today!". "What part of our wings taste great didn't you understand". "Don't fumble away your chance to try our wings". "I like eating mine in the hot tub". "It doesn't take three years to learn to like our wings". "If you don't like our wings, it's the o-lines fault". "I don't cook the wings, I just eat 'em". Stuff like that. Plus we're going to run "Toss Flutie and win some wings" promotions in all the sports bars all over the country. You know, like Dwarf tossing. We hire midgets, put #7 jerseys and mullet wigs on them and then throw them at a target that says San Diego on the bullseye! You like it?

ROB (excited)

I like it dude, sounds great, especially the midget tossing, but what sort of money are we talking here?

WING KING

Cut right to the chase, huh Rob? Man, a mind like a steel trap. I'm prepared to pay you ten million dollars a year, but there is one catch. You have to be the Bills starting qb.

ROB (jumping up)

I knew it was too good to be true. Why should I have to go back there? They didn't appreciate me there. They want me to renegotiate my contract down to peanuts. I'm a proven NFL qb with the stats to back me up. I deserve starter's money. I've earned it.

WING KING

I totally respect your position Rob, but think of it this way. Even if you sign for vet minimum in Buffalo, with what I'm paying you you'll be making twice what you were making in Buffalo, and three times what you'd make anyplace else.

ROB (sniffs)

I've got money, I don't need to put up with disrespect just to make a buck. i could retire now and go surfing for the rest of my life and not have to worry about money.

WING KING

You have such pride in your talent. It's a wonderful trait. I know that. That's why I'd never ask you to go back to Buffalo for mere money. That's where the second part of the proposal comes in, the unofficial part.

ROB

And anyway, what about the team, they sucked last year, hell, everybody said that even Joe Montana in his prime couldn't win behind our o-line last year.

WING KING

Don't worry about that, I know for a fact Tom Donahoe's gonna take Two o-linemen with his first two draft picks, and with the money he saves on your contract he'll be able two sign two more from free agency. We'll have o-linemen coming out of our a**. Joe Montana himself would be proud to play behind such a line.

ROB

Ok then, what's the unofficial part?

WING KING (looking straight into Rob's eyes)

Rob, are you a good american? DO YOU LOVE YOUR COUNTRY?

ROB

Yes sir, you know it, America love it or leave it.

WING KING

Good, I believe you. Because from now on what I'm going to tell and show you is highly classified, top secret.

ROB

you can count on me, Wings.

WING KING

Good man. Now before I can go any further I'm going to need you to sign the Official Secrets Act, David's already signed it, right David?

David nods. Wings pulls it out and puts it in front of Rob.

ROB (quizzical)

What does it say?

WING KING

Oh, just if you're a traitor we can execute you, but don't worry about that, that's just for spys and *****. With you this is just a formality.

ROB (signing)

Ok, if you say so.

WING KING (picking up the signed document and putting it away)

Great. Now come with me. You're going to see things that will change your life forever,

They get up and Wings leads them to a wall with the original San Diego Chicken suit hanging on it. He reaches into it's mouth and turns a handle. A hidden door opens noiselessly. Wings leads them through.

INT. HIDDEN ROOM

A smaller room with a lazy boy chair, a huge tv and walls covered floor to ceiling with framed pictures and memorabilia of Rob Johnson.

WING KING

This is where I watch the games and break down tape.

ROB (looking at a framed piece of blue cloth)

My first bandana. Where'd you get that?

WING KING (swivelling out a storage case to reveal another elevator behind)

Off some kid named Jeff Somethingorother. He didn't want to sell but I made him an offer he couldn't refuse.

The elevator door opens.

Gentlemen, after you.

They get in.

INT ELEVATOR

WING KING (as the elevator starts to descend)

We're doing some construction so we can only go part way in here. We have to detour through the plant.

ROB

I don't hafta see what you do to the chickens, do I?

WING KING (laughing)

Weak stomach? Don't worry, we'll just be walking through the corridors, you won't see any chickens. although i'll have you know, we lead the world in technology for the humane harvesting of chicken wings. It's like stone crab claws now, we painlessly remove the wings and then nurse them while the wings grow back. and then we do it again. I can show you if you're interested.

ROB

Uh, no thanks.

The doors open and they walk out into:

INT CHICKEN PLANT CORRIDOR

As they walk they hear a high pitched wailing and the sound of chainsaws coming from behind the walls.

ROB

I swear that sounds like chickens screaming.

Wings starts to look nervous. David jumps in.

DAVID

That's just their rehabilitation, right Wings. They do primal therapy with them after they lose their wings, it helps them get in touch with their rage.

ROB (buys it)

Cool.

They come to an elevator. Wings puts his hand on a palm print and the door opens. They get in and start down again. The elevator drops quickly and then comes to a stop.

WING KING

Here we go.

The door slides open to reveal another door. It slides open, followed by another and another, all opening a different way. While this is going on Muzak is playing the theme from "Get Smart". Da dum da dum, da, da dum da dum, da, da dum da diddly ump da diddly ump da diddly ump......

WING KING (pointing to the speakers)

You like that? It's my little joke.

ROB

That's funny. I thought "Hogan's Heroes" was great too. Sergeant Shultz was my favorite. "I know nothink!" Hilarious.

The final door opens to reveal:

INT UNDERGROUND LAB

They walk into a giant installation full of machines that go ping and worker drone scientists in white coats running back and forth with computer readouts in their hands and soldiers driving around in golf carts. It looks like a set from a James Bond movie. They start to walk down another corridor.

ROB (amazed)

Far out. What are you really, Mr Wing King, some kinda spook or something?

WING KING

Rob, like a lot of American males with ex wives I need to work two jobs to make the alimony payments. This is my other job, I work for the Department of Defence in an intelligence capacity. Usually I keep the two separate, but in this happy circumstance some synchronicity can be achieved.

They stop in front of a huge metal door, Wings does the palm thing again and the door opens to reveal a black hole within.

WING KING

This is it. Follow me.

He steps through the door, followed by David with the dubious Rob in arrears. The door closes behind them.

INT TOP SECRET ROOM

Blackness. Then the sound of hands clapping twice. The lights come on. Wings claps again. The lights go off. Clap on, clap off, clap on, clap off, clap on.

WING KING

I'll never get over how much fun that is.

What they see is a long wide room like a shooting gallery. There are about twenty footballs sitting in a basket. Off to the side is a chair with wires running all over, a large monitor in front of it, what looks like a big metal pot with antennas sticking out. A gamepad with a dozen buttons and switches lies on the seat of the chair.

WING KING

What you see here Rob, is one of your countries most highly guarded pieces of technology. It was originally developed for the president himself and Dick Cheney, and we've modified it to work for you.

ROB (with furrowed brow)

What the hell is it?

WING KING

Rob, you remember when you said, "I don't call the plays, I just run 'em?

ROB

Yeah.

WING KING

Well, how would you like to not only not have to call the plays, but not have to think about them either?

ROB

Not think about them either? I'm down with that, but how does that work? Isn't the qb supposed to know what he's doing?

WING KING

Let me explain it this way. There are many people in this world that have lots of skills and abilities and potential to do all sorts of things, but somehow come up short in the skills actuation department. Should we let all those talents go to waste just because someone is ever so slightly intellectually challenged? Does that sound fair to you?

ROB (scratching his head)

No, I guess not.

WING KING

Well this was developed to help those very people. We all it Device to Utilize Maximum Brainpower And Supplement Skills, or D.U.M.B.A.S.S. for short.

ROB

Sounds impressive, what does it do?

WING KING

Well, it needs two people, one the subject, or "puppet", and the other the operator, or "puppetmaster". The subject has a small receiver planted in his medulla oblongata. Then the operator sits in this chair, and when he's hooked up, he takes control of the subjects every word and action. As I said, it was originally developed for the president, so he could go out in public with Dick Cheney at the controls, secure in the knowledge he wouldn't have thinking get in the way of acting presidential.

ROB

No *****! What a great idea! But I don't have to give many speeches in the huddle.

WING KING

We know that. After the success we had with Gee Dubya, we realized the obvious military implications. Imagine young, virile super soldiers with strength and stamina galore carrying the ball in the field of battle, while operational experts control their every move! Our armies would be unstoppable. So we boosted the physical assist to go along with the verbal controls, but we need to test it in a real world setting that's non lethal, before we deploy it in the field. We decided that football was the closest thing to war, and so...

ROB

That's where I come in! I get it now!

WING KING

I knew you would.

ROB

But suppose it works. What is coach Williams going to think?

David starts to giggle.

WING KING

Oh, coach Williams thinks it's a great idea, right coach?

Gregg Williams steps out of the shadows.

ROB

Coach Williams! You're in on this too?

GREGG

Yes I am Rob. When The Wing King brought this idea to me, I thought it was the greatest idea I'd ever heard. This is exactly what you and I need to save our careers.

ROB

Well, works for me, but who's going to be the operator, coach Gilbride?

GREGG

No Rob, not coach Gilbride. He can never know about this. Neither can Tom Donahoe or the rest of the team.

ROB

Tom who?

GREGG

Tom Donahoe, the general manager, the guy who's trying to screw you on your contract.

ROB

Oh yeah, that mofo. He gets nutthin from me! But if it's not coach Gilbride as the operator, who's it gonna be?

WING KING

Well Rob, remember when they said not even Joe Montana in his prime could have won behind that o-line that you had to put up with?

ROB

Yeah...

WING KING

Well, next year we will have a line he could win behind. So here's your operator....

Another man steps out of the shadows.

JOE MONTANA HIMSELF!

ROB (amazed)

Joe Montana? Way cool! You're my hero, dude!

JOE M.

Look forward to working with you Rob, you've got an arm I only wish I had when I was playing. And boy, do I miss playing.

ROB

This is so cool! When can we try it out?

WING KING

Right now if you want. It's all set up for a test. When you see that it works, you get David here to call Tom Donahoe and tell him that you'll sign his contract. And with your body and joe's brain, nothing will stop the Bills from going to the superbowl and shutting up all those guys who hate you and Gregg because they're jealous

ROB

Alright, let's GET IT ON!

The Wing King pushes a button and a dozen heavy bags drop down from the ceiling and start swinging rapidly back and forth. Forty yards down the range targets shaped like Eric Moulds, Peerless Price and Jay Reimersma start popping up and down at random.

WING KING

The swinging bags will test pocket presence, and the targets will test accuracy, arm strenth and decision making speed. Wanna take it for a spin?

ROB

Hell yeah! Bring it on!

The Wing King pushes another button and a dozen white coated technicians pop out of a doorway. Eight start to wire up Joe Montana to the chair, strapping him in and hooking him up. Finally the pot helmet is placed over his head and a single black eyepiece like a monocle is swivelled down over his right eye. He picks up the game pad and gives everyone a big thumbs up. The other technicians bring over a Bills helmet a with a big antenna sticking out the top and start to fit it over Rob's head.

WING KING

This is only a temporary receiver Rob, it'll work even better when it's wired directly into your brain. But you'll get the idea.

They do the chin strap up and they're ready to go.

WING KING

Now when we turn it on Rob, you'll feel a slight tingle and then an inner peace like you've never known. Just go with the flow and think of your favorite thing in the world while Joe operates the controls. It works better that way. Ready?

ROB

Dude, I was born ready.

WING KING

Ok.

The Wing King wave the technicians out of the room. When they're gone, he puts his finger on the button and begins to count down.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1!

Flick goes the switch. Rob gets a beatific look on his face as somewhere a turbine starts to whine, and then like a flash he springs into action, grabs a football and starts to dance among the swinging heavy bags like he has a sixth, seventh and eighth senses. A target flashes up and Rob fires the ball like a flash, hitting it right between the numbers. he grabs another and another, firing them at the speed of thought at the targets as soon as they appear, hitting then all dead square until there's only one ball left. Rob picks it up and dances between the bags like a matador and fires a bullet that goes right through the Eric Moulds target, shattering it in an explosion of particleboard shards. The Wing King presses a button and the turbine whine slows down and stops. The technicians race in and start to unhook Rob and Joe. Rob has a dreamy look on his face.

ROB

Whoah, that was sweet. I could feel Joe all through me. I kinda feel like I do after one of my buds spreads sun tan lotion all over my body. I think I need to go to the bathroom now. Can somebody please take me?

The Wing King waves to the technicians who take Rob away to the can. He looks over and is startled to see Joe Montana in a corner, heaving his guts out. He runs over to Joe, followed by Gregg. They lean in close to the retching Joe.

WING KING

Joe, Joe, what's wrong? Are you ok?

JOE M. (while continuing to contemplate the remnants of his breakfast)

Never again, never again, never again, you never told me about this.

Joe heaves again.

WING KING

Joe, Joe, what happened, I've never seen an operator react like this!

JOE M.

You never told me about this, this wasn't part of the deal, give Kelly a call, see if he'll do it.

He pukes again.

WING KING and GREGG (together)

But Joe, what do you mean we never told you. What happened?

JOE M.

You know how you told him to think about his favorite thing in the world and go with the flow?

WING KING

Yeah, it works better that way. So?

JOE M.

Well, the guys favorite thing in the world seems to be well oiled male buttocks waving in the summer breeze. He's gay.

Joe wipes the puke off his lips.

JOE M.

I know I played for San Francisco, but trust me, I saw enough bare butts in the showers over the years, I don't need to see any more in Rob Johnson's dreams. Get yourself another guy. I'm outta here.

Joe gets up and staggers out the door. Gregg and The Wing King look at each other in horror, both thinking "What the hell do we do now?


to be continued......


Last edited by shiva2999 on 02-28-2002 at 04:37 PM

[StraightJ]

Originally posted by wagoncircler
What? Posting a link to a news story is now tasteless? Please.

No, but reveling in the demise of a former Bill(unless it's OJ for killing someone) is.
J

[bps21]

I'm sorry...but this legendary RJ performance against Tenessee is crap.

How many points did his OFFENSIVE ONSLAUGHT provide us with again?

[StraightJ]

Enough to win(minus the illegal pass), and that is what counts. I wanted Doug in the game myself, but that wasn't Rob's doing.
J

[wagoncircler]

Originally posted by StraightJ
No, but reveling in the demise of a former Bill(unless it's OJ for killing someone) is.
J

Unless that former QB called Buffalo an "awful" place, then proceeded to go out and GACK all over himself in front of 75,000 of the faithful, THEN get himself cut.

[BILLSareBACK]

Originally posted by StraightJ
No, but reveling in the demise of a former Bill(unless it's OJ for killing someone) is.
J I take it that you did not have to watch the Rob Johnson era of football here in Buffalo. He reveled in cashing in on a big contract, turned out to be a fraud in my opinion. I do not hate him, but he was an over-rated QB from the start.

[StraightJ]

Now I feel guilty. Could my letter to the PR man have helped get him cut? For what he did in the game, I dont think he deserved to be cut. The pocket collapsed on him....it was like 5 Puccilos. His comments were clearly tongue in cheek, if you listened to the 1 link, and read the email reply I provided, it is clearly evidenced by such. But you know what? It's simple to see the venemous hatred some of you have for this former Bill and fellow human being. This is nothing short of pathetic(and yes, I wanted DOUG to play, so dont give me any RJ supporter BS).
J

[wagoncircler]

Don't flatter yourself.

[BILLSareBACK]

Originally posted by StraightJ
Now I feel guilty. Could my letter to the PR man have helped get him cut? J [list=1]
[/list=1] [list=1]
[/list=1] No, i think he is just a bad Quarterback.:D

[Psychosis]

Originally posted by StraightJ
Now I feel guilty. Could my letter to the PR man have helped get him cut? For what he did in the game, I dont think he deserved to be cut. The pocket collapsed on him....it was like 5 Puccilos. His comments were clearly tongue in cheek, if you listened to the 1 link, and read the email reply I provided, it is clearly evidenced by such. But you know what? It's simple to see the venemous hatred some of you have for this former Bill and fellow human being. This is nothing short of pathetic(and yes, I wanted DOUG to play, so dont give me any RJ supporter BS).
J


Straight J don't waste your time anymore. I'm not waving a white flag, but the fact is they are right. They will never change their opinions even if they're wrong. It's true Rob is not a great qb. The Redskins made a firm mistake cutting him and replacing him with an unknown. I'm sure Rob will end up somewhere else. I can tell you were watching the game and saw the pocket collapsed on rob. I don't know what game everyone else was watching.

[bduff54]

come on guys, Rj played with heart and played well in that game, he was up against one of the best D's at that time. with all the controversy around that game i was happy with how he performed. i remember that post shiva, funny stuiff with wys.

[bad radio]

Shiva, dude, you're strange. That's some, uh, interesting writing however. I have absolutely no idea what your point is, but...well I don't know, my brain hurts after all that.

[StraightJ]

Possibly an advertisement on behalf of his drug dealer? ;)
J

[wagoncircler]

OK, one last recap:

10/16/03: When asked why Buffalo is such a tough place for an opposing team to play, Johnson dropped his personal bomb: "That's all they have up there. Have you ever been there? It's awful, " Johnson said.

10/17/03: Bills fans read and hear about this wise statement from the scholarly Johnson. It pisses them off.

10/19/03: Patrick Ramsey leaves the game with an injury. Enter Johnson, who, as if he'd been asked to pretend he was still playing for the Bills, ends a 3 and out with a sack. Pandemonium ensues as insulted Bills fans feel that Johnson has gotten the embarrasment that he deserves for shooting off his mouth.

10/22/03: Johnson is released by the Redskins.

That's it, the whole story. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE spare us the whining about the horrible, barbarian Bills fans being so mean to the bandana-boy. You're killing us with the drama queen stuff.

[billsfanone]

That is a classic shiva. :D

[eyedog]

So where does he end up now. I'll go with Denver, Chicago, Arizona or possibly Miami depending on Fiedlers health.

[wagoncircler]

I'm thinking Shell or Amoco.

[eyedog]

Congratulations Wagonc. Your the first one who was gonna tell me he won't be back. But he will be.

[bortz]

Not to wish ill on anyone 'cause that's just wrong but you gotta admit, it's nice to see RJ get his just due. I remember the agony of knowing he sucked hard and yet they would keep starting him. I'm talking about when he was with us of course.
Shiva- where do you find the time to write all that? Don't you work for a living? J/K
What do you think of that guy that went over the falls the other day? Wasn't that a trip. (Literally).

[finsrclowns]

Originally posted by wagoncircler
I'm thinking Shell or Amoco.

LOL:crush:

[Snarf]

Maybe I am thinking about someone else, but was it Hasselbeck that was in Bills camp a last year or the year before, but got cut? I remember the Bills signed a BC quaterback whose GF was going on "Survivor" or some stupid show like that. If it was not Tim Hasselbeck, who was it?

As for Rob, he will probably get a job in Chicago, they seem to have a thing for bad quaterbacks. If not, maybe the CFL, but the surfin is not too good in Canada.

[FrankieA]

Theres always the pro surfing circut

[Scott Vaughn]

I am glad he was cut, now that he is out of football all these RJ sucks threads should finally end.

[shiva2999]

Even gay football fans thought he sucked.

From Outsports, the gay sports fan's favorite site, the 2001 season preview...

http://www.outsports.com/nfl/2001/preafce.htm


BUFFALO BILLS
Outlook: Quarterback Rob Johnson is a weenie. He poses for Sports Illustrated looking all buffed-out in his hot tub ... then whines that he was sorry they used the picture. Well, why did you pose for it, Einstein? Johnson gets sacked more than bags of Dorritos at Safeway on Super Bowl Sunday. Buffalo lost a lot through free agency and Johnson now won't have Doug Flutie to blame if things start going wrong.

Forecast: The Bills will battle the Patriots for last place.

[wagoncircler]

My guess is that gay football fans hope he sucks.

[shiva2999]

.

[StraightJ]

Originally posted by shiva2999
Even gay football fans thought he sucked.




Who cares what gays fans think? We don't need a fairy for a QB.
J

[wagoncircler]

Originally posted by StraightJ
Who cares what gays fans think? We don't need a fairy for a QB.
J

We finally agree!

[billsfanone]

Rob Johnson sucks.

[StraightJ]

I think a lot of us agree on that. lol Actually the gays may misinterpret the title of this thread and get get excited.
J

I nominate a re-direct. I dont know what's worse, a serious thread giving proof of RJ's statements being misrepresented being merged, moved, and then closed, or that one like this is still around. Can anyone say bias?

[YardRat]

From a strictly football standpoint, I agree with those who think RJ will get at least one more shot somewhere in the league.

One can only hope it's with a team we play later in the year :D.

[billsfanone]

Originally posted by YardRat
One can only hope it's with a team we play later in the year :D.

That would be great!

[bv]

This is great news! maybe the Bills can resign him!!

http://www.buccaneers.net/images/news/johnsonsack.jpg http://images.nfl.com/images/2001/johnson_rob100701.jpg http://www.orlandosentinel.com/media/photo/2002-10/5174740.jpg

[billsfanone]

http://www.sptimes.com/2002/08/25/photos/sp-sack.jpg

http://www.panthers.com/photos/perm/main/NNCMDKCAIACD/1027_main.jpg


http://www.angelfire.com/nv/billsthunder/SACK1.jpg

[billsfanone]

http://media.theinsiders.com/Media/College_Football/192421_RJHMarkFields.JPG

[billsfanone]

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/fantasy/football/news/2001/10/18/back_page/t1_johnson_ap-01.jpg

[billsfanone]

http://www.indystar.com/library/factfiles/sports/football-pro/indpls_colts/2000_season/img/sacktoo.jpg

[billsfanone]

http://www.angelfire.com/nv/billsthunder/ROBDIVE.jpg

[Henry4MVP]

I'm still laughing after reading shiva's "script." Priceless, priceless stuff.

Bonus props to billsfanone for all the RJ highlights.

[billsfanone]

Originally posted by Henry4MVP
I'm still laughing after reading shiva's "script." Priceless, priceless stuff.

Bonus props to billsfanone for all the RJ highlights.

I don't deserve props. Just type Rob Johnson in google and voila! :D

[TITUS]

The Sack Magnet is let go from team number 4. Great news, and inevitable.

For those who may have forgotten, recapitulation:

RJ SUCKS

FLUTIE SUCKS

GO BLEDSOE

GO BILLS

'nuff said.

[Bilz12]

Originally posted by billsfanone
I don't deserve props. Just type Rob Johnson in google and voila! :D

No, no...props are due for sure. I especially like the shot of RJ being sacked! :D

[TheBillsDog]

This was my all time favorite someone wrote a couple years ago:


First thing RJ did when he heard he was cut:

Packed his suitcase, got tie stuck in suitcase, while trying to get
tie out of suitcase tripped over a chair and then down the stairs
whereas the suitcase hit him on the head giving him a concussion, he got up and walked into a closed door and broke an arm and fell backwards over pool table and into a pool cue that tore his hamstring which caused him stumble and fall out the window onto his mailbox breaking several ribs. While crawling to the phone to call an ambulance he was bitten by a snake. Boy, I am going to miss him.

Doctors are evaluating his situation. He blamed the O-Line.

[askabry]

Originally posted by StraightJ
Can anyone say bias?

Bias ... is exactly what being a fan is all about for any sport, but none moreso than football. This is a game where the fans whip themselves into a frenzy for six days waited for their annointed heros to throw themselves against barbarian hordes.

We're fans. The word is short for fanatic ...

marked by excessive enthusiasm and often intense uncritical devotion
(www.w-d.com)

We're supposed to have lots and lots of stupid opinions, supported by loads of passion and occasionally sharp insights about an organization who's very lifespirit is the continued passion we provide.

To expect anything but bias is either disingenious or self-serving in some facet. Get off your horse and either join the rest of us in the muck or move on.

[zow2]

The funniest thing was listening to Spurrier's radio show on Monday. The host asked him about RJ and if he was comfortable using him. Spurrier in his usual southern twang voice chuckled and said something like " well, Rob looks confused alot out there,,,he tends to turn the wrong direction at the wrong time and we're working with him on that. But he really does look confused"
When I heard that, I thought it was a big slap in the face to his backup QB. It doesn't surprise me that they let him go.

[MR. GIBBERISH]

Originally posted by TITUS
The Sack Magnet is let go from team number 4. Great news, and inevitable.

For those who may have forgotten, recapitulation:

RJ SUCKS

FLUTIE SUCKS

GO BLEDSOE

GO BILLS

'nuff said.
well stated.

[Denverbillsfan]

Hey Macleod, come on out and defend RJ now, he can't even be kept as a backup on a crappy team. HaaaaaaaaaaHaaaaaaaaaa

RJ sucks and I can't see how any team would pick him up. His career (if that is what you would call it) should be over for sure.

RJ YOU SUCK

[BillsNYC]

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

I AM LAUGHING SO HAD AFTER LOOKING AT ALL OF THOSE PICTURES!!!

ROB JOHNSON SUCKS!

[BogusTrumper]

Denverbillsfan, word is that Denver is looking at him. Have you heard any of that?

[wagoncircler]

Right now all they have is Danny Kannell. Plummer's out and so is Beurlein. They're so desperate they're probably looking at some of Jerry's kids.

[BillsNYC]

hahaha!! i just went and looked at page 4 again....i needed another laugh....

[Psychosis]

Originally posted by Denverbillsfan
Hey Macleod, come on out and defend RJ now, he can't even be kept as a backup on a crappy team. HaaaaaaaaaaHaaaaaaaaaa

RJ sucks and I can't see how any team would pick him up. His career (if that is what you would call it) should be over for sure.

RJ YOU SUCK



Grow up will ya.

[BogusTrumper]

Face it MacLeod - RJ is now part of Bills folklore and this is how he'll aways be remembered.

[Psychosis]

Denver is his last chance.

[Psychosis]

Originally posted by BogusTrumper
Face it MacLeod - RJ is now part of Bills folklore and this is how he'll aways be remembered.



Thanks for that insight, bogus. You are a rose.

[CincyBills]

I can't believe this has gone on for 5 pages (now 6 with my post)....who cares about RJ? And why is is still in the Hard Core Bills talk section?

[direbills]

Originally posted by shiva2999
How fitting that the last sack of RJ's career was by the Bills.

God's final revenge for Rob blowing the Tennessee game!

That is a silly comment. As much as I dislike RJ, he played well enough to win that game. The ST's let us down.

[The Big "O"]

Hey Shiva 2999 Rob Johnson led us to a field goal to take the lead in that game. If the following kickoff is ruled a penalty Rob
Johnson may very well have led that team to a 5th Super
Bowl appearance. Guess what, that Bills defense would have
made the Rams receivers pay for every catch in that Super Bowl.
Timing is everything.

[JerseyBillsFan]

Originally posted by Scott Vaughn
I am glad he was cut, now that he is out of football all these RJ sucks threads should finally end. Don't count on it.