Who Would Win?

[jimmifli]

I'll lay down a few rules.

1. Answer the previous match and pose a new one.

2. One answer only! Once it has been answered the "fight" is over and can NEVER be re-done.

3. Commentary is allowed.

I will start.



Doug Flutie Vs Rob Johnson?

[YardRat]

Doug Flutie--the height differential is just right for a good jab from the mullet to catch Johnson in the nads while he's adjusting his SoCal, pretty-boy bandana. Johnson, per his reputation, would attempt to hold on to his balls too long, run around for a few yards and then flop on his back from exhaustion. 1-2-3 pin, Dougie wins !!

(This is assuming, of course, that RJ actually has any balls, which has yet to be proven)

Switch to Hockey, since we're talking fighting---

Tom Golisano vs. Mark Hamister

[jimmifli]

LOL! And we are off to a great start! Exactly what I thought this thread would be. Well done!

[Mouldsie]

Tom Galisono sits on Hamister, causing his little body to snap in half.

TG wins




My Dad vs. Your Dad

[jimmifli]

My Dad! Hands down!

Indian Jones Vs a Whale.

[mighty peace warrior]

Jones chokes out the whale with his extra long whip.

Ditka vs Bill Parcells?

[RaidersFan]

Ding and there off.

Ditka gets off quick with a good punch to the face. Bill does not seem to be hurt he comes back with a round house kick. I cant belive Bill just did that. Ditka takles Bill Ditka gets some good shots in the bread basket. But wait Bill is back ditka hits it dont stop Bill. Bill puts up the fingure and says NO NO NO NO. OMG i cant belive bill rips his shirt like he is Hulk Hogan. Wait i cant belive this there come the mike ditka fans from SNL

As they hit all i hear is DA BEARS DA BEARS DA BEARS. WOW ditka rolls over Bill 1 2 3

ITS OVER MIKE DITKA IS THE WINNER.

LOL

Britney Spears vs Christina Agularia

(have fun with this one)

[YardRat]

Oh My Goodness !!

This match was set up, obviously, by Christina taking "Hit Me Baby One More Time" too literally and sucker-punching Britney backstage at the Grammy's.

After several heated exchanges of bare-bellied blows from both combatants, Britney stuffs the Jeannie in her Bottle and corks the top, effectively ending the match and (hopefully) Agularia's career at the same time.

On to Television...Dave Letterman vs. Jay Leno

[thegame]

Leno kicks Letterman's ass here. Dave tries to fight off Jay, but keeps getting off task and looking to his right at Paul Shaeffer. Leno uses a poke to the eyes to stun Letterman, who was laughing about some joke that no one else got. After Leno's rake of the eyes he smashes Letterman with Kevin Eubank's guitar, and then finishes Dave with a chin splash off the top rope. It's an easy victory.

Handicap Match:

George Jr. and Jeb Bush vs. Geroge Bush Sr.

[YardRat]

:funnyguy:

[BILLSareBACK]

Jeb and Dubya win the match but Dad demands a recount saying that he got his shoulder off the mat before the ref counted to three. After a month of reviewing the tape and Jeb paying off the ref and supreme court, it is finally determined that Dubya had won. [list=1]
[/list=1] [list=1]
[/list=1] Al Sharpton vs Don King...............special rule for this match, no hair pulling.

[FrankieA]

Don King... King runs into Sharpton head first and pokes his eyes out with his trademark hair style at the press conference. Upon yelling I am the greatest, Kings clutches his chest and dies of a heart attack.

Mr. Rodgers vs Captain Kangaroo

[BogusTrumper]

Wha?

Mr. Rogers gets off to a good start. He distracts Captain Kangaroo by undressing really, really slowly. Captain Kangaroo is so impatient for Mr. Rodgers to get out of his jacket and into his sweater, out of his shoes and into his clogs, and finish singing the neighbor song that he turns his back and starts mimicing him. That's when Mr. Rodgers pounces. Not to worry. The sky opens up and thousands of ping-pong balls rain down on them so confusing Mr. Rodgers that he doesn't notice Mr. Green Jeans sneak up behind him and finish him off.

Joe Millionaire vs Trista, the Bachlorette

[RaidersFan]

and were back for the 2nd fight of the night. The Bill vs Ditka fight was great but i think we have a better one with Joe and Trista.

Joe starts off strong gets a couple of body shots in and trista is down. Joe nevers stops he continues with the beating. Kick to the face another one and another one.

O man look at joe he is celebrating. But look he goes Trista. He gets a good shot in the sack. And down goes Joe. trista goes on the top rope. She comes flying off like Macho Man Randy Savage with the big elbow. O man i think its over. 1 2 o joe kicks out. I cant belive it joe kicked out. Trista is mad o she is very mad. She startes kicking at him. O man i cant belive this She goes to the outside and grabs a chair. She goes to hit Him but here comes ZORA. She grabs the chair from Trista and it looks like she is going to hit her. But Wait She turns around and Hits JOE. I cant belive this wait she is saying some thing.

I KNOW WHAT YOU DID WITH SARA.

trista rolls over Joe 1 2 3

its all over. Trisa is the winner by pinfall.

George Bush and Tony Blair vs Sadam Hussain and Osama Bin Ladin.

tag team match

[FrankieA]

Bush and Blair

After beating each other to a pulp, Bin Landen reaches in his tights for a foreign object. When he turns around thousands of familes and friends of the 9-11 victims race into the ring, the ref somehow doesn't "see" all of the outside interference. Osama ends up bloody, beaten and dead, left for only the vultures to pick at. Bush collapses on the remains. 1-2-3... Its over! He stays on the remains cause he can't count to three.

Michael Jacskon vs Elvis Presley... the king of pop vs the king of rock

[thegame]

Elvis smashes Jacko in the head with his guitar once and Mike's whole face and head collapse. As his features waiste away the original Michael Jackson, held prisoner for over a decade by the current freak Jacko, finally gets loose and kills himself for becoming so pathetic after having such a great career. Elvis celebrates with a dozen different pills and collapses a few hours later.

Winner: Elvis

Muhammed Ali vs. Lennox Lewis (Remember Lewis has a HUGE size and reach advantage)

[Mouldsie]

Ali, he's the greatest. Rumble in teh Jungle was supposed to be all about Foreman.




Eric Moulds vs. Terrell Owens....

[Mouldsie]

*remember, I am a mod, and issue a ban upon anyone....

[Mouldsie]

*remember, I am a mod, and can issue a ban upon anyone....

[thegame]

T.O. destroys Moulds. After the victory, T.O. signs the bat that he used to smack E Moulds upside the head with then gives it to his financial consultant. Here comes the ban...

In the meantime...

Jack Daniels vs. Jim Beam

[Joe Friday]

Both, in a drunken stupor, fall asleep in their locker rooms after puking their guts out and fail to make it to the ring. Fight's called off.

Tony Soprano vs. Michael Corleone?

[gilchristfan]

This one isn't even close, although of course, Corleone doesn't do the dirty work himself, he uses a buffer. After watching the Silence of the Lambs flicks, Corleone realizes that Hannibal Lecter is the next Luca Brazi. He promises to get Lecter's license back, full rein over his practice, and all the fresh meat he could possibly devour. Lecter is then installed as Tony's new therapist. Its all downhill from there.

Lecter convinces Soprano that he is a disgrace as a mob boss, that Marlon Brando would be rolling over in his grave (if he were dead), and that his acting in Crimson Tide was disgusting. He convinces Soprano that he would be doing the world a favor by cutting off his own genitals and donating them to Fear Factor.

Corleone doesn't attend the victory celebration. He's far too busy meeting with the Arab League and installing a string of casinos in the Middle East.


Gregg Williams v. Marv Levy

[FrankieA]

Marv Levy- Marv levy goes on one of his long word rants during instructions (look it up Thurman). Gregg freezes picks up a dictionary to look up all the words he said. The bell rings. Marv comes out and puts the sleeper holds on one of GW's man boobs. The ref picks up the other man boob once... twice... and three times...ITS OVER... 28 seconds into the match. Your winner by boob submission. MARVELOUS MARV LEVY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Paul Tagliabeau vs Pete Rozelle

[RaidersFan]

This one is too quick for me to commintate. Paul just goes in there and hands Pete is ass. Paul doent even take a punch to his face. I couldnt belive this fight.

Winner Paul


Yao Ming vs Shaq daddy

[Henry4MVP]

Shaq, taking a page out of old pro wrestling, is so confident that he allows Yao to have a free headlock. Yao steps up to the challenge, trying his best to injure Shaq's rocklike head. Shaq grins at the crowd and picks up the gangly Rockets star and chucks him to the ground. After Shaq gently placing his injured-toe laden foot upon Yao's chest, the ref gives the three-count.

Next up: Jesus versus the Beatles.

[Snarf]

The Beatles have four, Jesus is just one. Actually Paul would stand in the back and watch because he would not want to get his pretty face messed up. Lennon and Harrison double team Jesus, but he would be able to hold his own. Then Ringo would step in and finishs Jesus off with some karate moves. Ringo then goes on and kicks Pauls ass for anything he wrote while in Wings.

Next up: Ozzy vs. Scott Stapp

[thegame]

Scott tries to tell Ozzy about Jesus and compassion, then Ozzy grabs Stapp by his oil soaked hair and bites off the gosple-rocker's head with one chomp. The rest of Creed goes running away crying while Ozzy barks at the moon.

Winner: Ozzy

Steel Cage Match:
Adolf Hitler vs. Josef Stalin

[Mouldsie]

WRONG!!!!!! Moulds wins. TO punches him square in teh face and Moulds fakes like he was knocked out, and as TO is walking around doing celebrations to the crowd, Moulds comes up and catches him offguard with a swift, powerful jab and TO is down. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10......

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Stalin is so drunk, that he doesn't evn realize that Hitler is beating the crap out of him, then Stalin, going for a titty-twister misses and instead tears of Hitlers achilles heel...... HIS MUSTACHE! Hitler breaks down sobbing like a little child b/c he lost his gay little mustache, and dies of sorrow. Stalin then keels over from alcohol poisoning.

DRAW.





George Washington or Benedict Arnold

[Halbert]

George is kicking Benny's butt, but when Benny collapses George helps him up and gives him some water. Benny then smashes the cup across George's temple as George tends to a wound on his arm, killing him instantly.

Jaded vs. Bogus

[BogusTrumper]

Uh-uh. Nope. Not. Nix. Not gonna happen.

Halbert vs Homer

[Halbert]

Homer would kick my butt. Then again, the Little Mermaid could kick my butt.

Halbert vs. Bogus and Jaded

[reeves84]

That is no contest. But my question is, what happens after the 15 seconds it takes them to eviscerate Halbert?

[BogusTrumper]

Billy Buffalo vs do the Dolphins have a mascot?

[BironsGirl43]

Billy for sure!! :)

Reeves vs Noc.. who would win?

[RaidersFan]

ok Ladies and Gentelman.

In the right corner where blue trunks with red trim

Raaaadical Reeves!!!!!!!!!!!! ya yayayaayayay

To my left. Whereing white trunks with Silver trim

Nasty Noc!!!!!!!!!!!! yayayayayaay

Ding Ding Ding...
O man this one starts off great. the nasty one gets off to a quick start. Getting some nice shots in. Wow noc is putting a beating to Reeves. I have never seen Reeves get hurt this bad. and look there noc showboating. He thinks hes so great i cant belive him. O man Noc is on the top rope. He setting up for a back flip. But wait reeves gets up and he throws the ref to the ropes and noc falls. O that had to hurt noc.

Reeves knew coming into this fight that it was going to be hard work to get a win in. So he said that he would do anythign he had to do to get the job done. Reeves takes noc and gives him some chops. Noc is now getting his butt handed to him. So reeves is getting ready to do the move that made him so famous around the world.

THE REEVELICIOUS

There he goes he grabs Noc gets him in the position. Picks him up o wait Noc reversous it.Noc has just reversed the reevelicious.

And now noc is setting up for the Nasty NOCaroma. Noc gots him. And he picks him up and boom he gets him.

It should be over. Noc goes for the cover and 1 2 3. its over. what a fight. That is one of the best fights i have ever seen.

Raidersfan vs Miamimasterpice

[D-Rocafella]

I'll give this one a try.

The fight begins and it's a stalemate. Each individual is exchanging blows. But this pace cannot continue and MM takes the advantage. As MM is ready to put raiderfan away a heard of black hole fans storms the ring and tears MM apart. After that raiderfan crawls over MM, gets the 3 count and goes of with all his block hole buddies and drinks the night away in typical black hole style.

Important to note, with the victory, raiderfan takes MM's title as best non bill fan!

Here's the next bout:

Drew Bledsoe vs Tom Brady (please bill fans get this one before a patriot fan does)

[BironsGirl43]

Tom Brady wins!!

His boyish good looks and glares scare Bledsoe away! hehe.. :)

Mike Tyson vs Michael Jackson.. the battle of the freaks!

[thegame]

Uh, Iron Mike kills the Queen of Pop with one right hand. A Mike Tyson punch would probably collapse the entire face of the freakish one.

Shiva vs. Satan (The devil, not the Sabre)

[Mouldsie]

Shiva and the Diablo shake hands and declare it a draw. Then they go out for beers, pick up some hookers, and throw eggs at God's house; creating a life-long friendship together.



Mother Tucker vs. MouldsRocks!

[The REAL Sabres]

MOULDSROCKS wins by forfeit. I'm sure Mouldsy wants to fight so, therefore, Mother Tucker will go sk--ER--run and hide.

Daniel Snyder and Jerry Jones

[RaidersFan]

Ladies and Gentelman this is the main event.

In the right corner whereing his Traditional red and Black Devil like Trunks Dan the Devil Snyder!!!!!!!!!!!

And to my left Whereing the blue trunks with white trim and the big star on the side

the original man of money Jerry Jones!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DING DING DING

And were off. snyder gets off to a good start gettin in a couple punches. He gets Jones in the stomach and jones goes down. Snyder continues his beating with jones on the ground. Snyder now throws Jones out side of the ring. snyder goes under the ring and grabs a chair. O man he rocked jones. Jones really needs to get back in the fight. Snyder goes to geta shot in but Bamm ;Jones gets a shot in there finally. And snyder goes down. Jones now knowing that he is much stronger that The smaller Snyder. He is taking it to him.

Jones goes to the top. Comes off with the flying headbutt and he lands it. O the devil is down.

Jones now grabs the chair that snyder used on him and he aplies the beating to Snyder. He lets snyder get up and wack gets him right in the bread basket.

Jones grabs him and is setting up for the DDT. he lands it he now goes for the cover and no snyder kicks out.

Jones still contiues his asult on Snyder. But wait its all the People that Snyder has signed in the last 5 days. Wow theres like 15 poeple and they all attack Jones. I cant belive this. Snyder must have cut a deal with all his FA. Look at him hes laughing up a storm.

There they are the horns are coming out of his head. Now he is really the devil.


Winner Dan the Devil Synder.

next up.

Hamburgler vs Ronald McDonald

[MiamiMasterpiece]

Winner: Hamburgler

Sorry i didn't have the time or i'd write out whole match.

LOL, cool thread, as you guys probally noticed i don't come to this forum a lot, mostly stay in hardcore bills talk. Im just pissed i got my @$$ whipped, lol. I'LL NEVER LOSE MY TITLE BEST NON-BILLS FAN !!!

I got one, i hope not to get in trouble for this one since i know they don't really like this. If you don't like it then just edit it out.

:Hardcore Street Fight:
Brian H Vs. Billsman

[FrankieA]

Billsman, the quickest match in this thread.

Tom Brokaw vs. Dan Rather

[mighty peace warrior]

Since neither man is allowed a teleprompter in the match both just stare at each other confused for a while. Brokaw begins to speak and quickly Rather falls asleep from boredom. As Brokaw moves in for the kill the overhead camara shakes loose from its rails and falls on both men crushing them.


Alyssa Milano vs. Shannon Doherty

[MiamiMasterpiece]

Originally posted by FrankieA
Billsman, the quickest match in this thread.

Tom Brokaw vs. Dan Rather

Come on man your the funniest poster, I was looking foward to reading a whole commentated match.

[FrankieA]

Originally posted by MiamiMasterpiece
Come on man your the funniest poster, I was looking foward to reading a whole commentated match.

Give me time my aqua sporting friend, give me time :groucho:
Comedy isn't about the story, timing is.

[FrankieA]

My childhood crush Alyssa Milano wins, she'll show Shannon Doherty who the boss.


Frank Sinatra vs Tony Bennett

[PUCKER]

Sinatra plays a #1 hit on Bennett for the pin.



Backstreet Boys vs. *NSYNC

[iakona]

Me!

[RustySabre]

The bell sounds and both teams prance into the ring. There is alot of comotion in the center ogf the ring. It appears they are paired off and pulling each other's hair. No wait they are DOING each others hair. This is going to be a long one. The bell ends the first round with both side agreeing to a sleep over.
Round two begins in a slap fest Then it's over as quick as it began. The match end with an exchange of phone numbers and a promis to call tomorrow. DRAW

Next up:

Howard Stern and Stuttering John vs Adam Corrolla and Jimmy Kimmel

[FrankieA]

AC and JK, with help from the Juggies. They rush into the ring, take off their tops and distract the ever aging Stern and Studderer. Adam and Jimmy shove HS and SJ into some Juggie cleavage smothering them, putting them to sleep.

Rosanne Barr vs Rosie O'Donnell

[RaidersFan]

i would do it but i dont know who Rosanne Barr is. I gota wait till a good one comes along.

[Halbert]

Rosie wouldn't want to fight so she'd take some children into the ring to sing songs from the Kid's Choice awards. Her strategy would backfire when Roseanne ate the kids and kicked Rosie's butt.

Jaded vs. Bogus

[BogusTrumper]

Halbert, we've already gone over this.

[Halbert]

Originally posted by BogusTrumper
Halbert, we've already gone over this.
Dang. Doesn't anything slip by you?!?

I've got to know. I'VE GOT TO KNOW!

[Mouldsie]

Bogus and Jaded wouldn't fight (would be like a MLK vs Ghandi match.... lol), and then call it a draw..... the crowd is disapointed and a brawl starts.... baseball caps everywhere. :(



Travis Henry or Willis McGahee. :D

[RaidersFan]

Travis Henry vs Willis McGahee.

Travis has a lot more power so he comes out a lot more aggressive. He starts off with hard blows to willis. But willis uses his quickness to dodge a couple of the shots. He gets in a nice drop kick to get things going for him. Now willis is on the attack. willis sends travis outside of the ring. He is in total control. willis pulls out a chair and goes to hit henry but henry gets out of the way and takes the chair from willis. Travis hits willis in his bad knee which ends willis career. and now travis has his starting job for good.

Dirk vs Peja