Relationship Advice Needed

[BogusTrumper]

A member wants to know:

I've been dating Melissa for a little over three months. I've never felt more comfortable with a woman in my life. She's got almost all of the qualities I look for in a woman: She's cultured, smart, fun, loving, athletic, and accomplished in her career. We've got good chemistry and we're really affectionate.

But here's my problem: I can't stop wishing she was more beautiful. Melissa is definitely attractive, but I've dated strictly stunning women up until now. For better or worse, looks are really important to me. I get off on the feeling of walking into a room with a gorgeous woman on my arm.

When I met Melissa, I liked her immediately. We clicked. But frankly, I thought that I'd soon be moving on to prettier pastures. Well, here I am three months later, getting seriously involved with the least attractive woman I have ever dated. Yet in so many other ways, she's the most attractive.

I feel tormented by this. Most of my friends tell me to get off it, that Melissa's incredible and I should be grateful for what I have. But what if I'm settling? What if there's a woman out there with the whole package, one with Melissa's qualities but who's also a 9 or 10?

Am I a superficial jerk to wish her nose was straight, her waist was thinner and her lips were fuller? I'm still young and good-looking enough to attract a super hot woman. Two amazing babes have come on to me since I've been dating Melissa, but I didn't take the bait because I didn't want to lose what I've got.

[FrankieA]

If this person is happy with Melissa, why dump her? I'd rather be happy with a less attractive girl then say some hot one that is the true definition of b*tch. Stick with Melissa for the love of God stick with the her!

[jimmifli]

Melissa should drop him.

[shawn]

I hope for your sake Melissa doesn't visit this site.

[JoeMama]

Bitches come & bitches go.

Ride it out until she hates you... or you hate her.

Each person has roughly 5,000 people out there with whom he or she would potentially "fall in love with"

The average person experiences "true love" three times in their lifespan.

So it's not a big deal.

[The Philster]

He's being pretty stupid.....chemistry, which he apparently has with Melissa, is a rare thing to come by. Unless there's a real problem with her (and he didn't mention any real ones), he should be happy with what he's got.

[Valerie]

That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever read! Whoever this guy is, he has some serious problems. If he's thinking about breaking up with Melissa because she's not, what he considers to be, gorgeous, then he really needs to rethink what he's looking for in a relationship and in a partner. If he just wants some trophy girlfriend that he can take out and parade in front of friends, he's extremely superficial and Melissa should dump his @ss! First of all, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and maybe what he considers to be beautiful, someone else won't. I'm sure plenty of men are eyeing Melissa because she is the COMPLETE package. It's rare to find someone with all the qualities you look for in a partner and to throw that away for superficial reasons is asinine! You only get one chance at true love, if he throws this away, it will be HIS loss. I'm sure Melissa would be better off without him anyway.

[Cowboy]

two words... plastic surgery

[BogusTrumper]

Does anyone listen to CMF? If so, you know the Brother Wease fish theory - the more beautiful a woman is, the more likely it is that she's a cold fish in the sack.

[Valerie]

Not only that, but usually, not always though, beautiful people are not the nicest people. They're shallow and unkind. I hate to break it to the moron who is asking for advice, but beauty fades! Look at Elizabeth Taylor. Back in the day she was gorgeous. Look at her now. You want someone who you can talk to and share your most inner feelings. In the end, if you can't talk to your partner, then what do you really have?

[reeves84]

Ever heard the term "Male Chauvanist Pig?"

[reeves84]

Ever heard the term "Bloody Idiot?"

[Valerie]

I want to know what this ignoramus considers "beautiful and stunning." I'd also like to know what he looks like. He describes himself as "young and good-looking." My guess is he isn't all that he thinks he is. I'd like to meet him. I bet he couldn't turn my head. He sounds like a complete dumb @ss to me! And, IMHO, he's already an ugly person, regardless of what he looks like on the outside!

[billsfanone]

He shouldn't settle for her. She sounds ugly.

[JoeMama]

Like it or not, being attracted to your partner is not only important but essential. If he's not attracted to the girl, I don't think it's going to work out.

[BogusTrumper]

What if he's only average looking and hasn't had a second date in a long time?

[JoeMama]

Then he needs to re-evaluate his expectations.

[Valerie]

Originally posted by JoeMama Like it or not, being attracted to your partner is not only important but essential. If he's not attracted to the girl, I don't think it's going to work out.
I agree with you, Joe. But, I don't think he's not attracted to her. I think his problem is he's afraid there may be someone drop dead gorgeous out there that he's missing out on because he's with her. I think he sounds like a superficial jackass!

[Valerie]

Originally posted by BogusTrumper What if he's only average looking and hasn't had a second date in a long time?
I don't think his looks have anything to do with the reason he hasn't had a second date. First of all, there has to be chemistry between two people. Maybe he hasn't found anyone who he has this chemistry with. If he's holding out because he's waiting to date a super model, then he's never going to find anyone or be happy.

[BogusTrumper]

Okay but that's a different question. Joey understood what I was asking.

[EricStratton]

If Melissa is giving it up on a regular basis I say he should lead her along for the sex until he finds a better deal. Then either drop her for the new girl or date both of them.

[shawn]

Keep dating Melissa but find a hottie so you can get a piece off the side. That should satisfy you for the time being :)

[Cowboy]

Two words hyphenated to be one: two-time

[BogusTrumper]

The guy is dreaming if he thinks he rates a hottie. They're out of his league.

[askabry]

BT:

Leave her now. Do the right thing for her and yourself.

I know what its like to be looking for "the next great thing". You think you can love her and only her, but in reality she isn't going to change you. You aren't going to wake up one morning and not lust after beautiful women, and sooner or later, you'll fark up. Or even worse yet...you won't and always live your life with regret.

I've been married to my second wife for ten years now, and I was like you before. The change in me is that frankly, I've never met a real woman as beautiful as my wife is AND as personally attractive. And I've met world-class, magazine-front-page-beauty in my life.

You can have everything you want-don't settle. Spend your life with someone that lights you up every way.

[BogusTrumper]

Are you talking to me? Geesh, everyone thinks I'm gay.

But you're contradicting yourself. You did change and now you're married to someone who's not only physically attractive but who's also got inner beauty.

[reeves84]

Get a good wife for home and a series of mistresses for away games.

[Valerie]

I think Melissa should dump this guy. He sounds like a real jackass and probably not worth the spit in her mouth! Most women don't find men who think of themselves as "god's gift" attractive. Vain people tend to be very ugly on the inside.

[Cowboy]

I'm not. I'm beautiful inside and out, knock wood. Just look at my rugged good looks in my avatar. What woman wouldn't want to get lassooed by yours truly?

[BogusTrumper]

Just what are you confessing to, Cowboy?

[shawn]

Originally posted by BogusTrumper
Just what are you confessing to, Cowboy?

Bogus,
Roughly how old are you and Melissa? Teens, Early twenties, thirties, etc?

[reeves84]

Bogus is only one person, I think!

[BogusTrumper]

You want to know how old I am? I don't understand the question.

[shawn]

i think age is a factor. If you and Melissa are 19 then i think you should move on and enjoy life. If you are in your 50's and still looking for a super model then it is a different story.

[BogusTrumper]

How 'bout 30's?

[shawn]

You are still young. Enjoy life. You deserve a harem of women.

[askabry]

Originally posted by BogusTrumper
Are you talking to me? Geesh, everyone thinks I'm gay.

But you're contradicting yourself. You did change and now you're married to someone who's not only physically attractive but who's also got inner beauty.


Well...I'd have to say I really didn't change per se. As I've told my wife, I still look at other women and admire their beauty when warranted.

It's just that what I have makes me not want what I see. There just isn't a woman in the world I'd want over what I've got, not in any situation. FWIW...she's a six foot, incredibly long-legged, auburn haired intelligent woman that owns her own very very successful business. When she's not working, she teaches aerobics or works as an instructor at a trade school. And I have yet to hear her say a disagreeable word about anyone else or hear anyone say anything but nice things about her.

So...I'm not so sure I've changed. It's just pretty hard to beat that sort of combination in the real world. Although I realize eye candy abounds, I only have to think of my wife.

That's what you need to get, friend. If you are attracted to beautiful women, why settle? Why be unhappy with less? And why sell her short...shouldn't she have someone who loves every bit of who she is and not what she might be?

[askabry]

btw, bogus...

I met my wife when I was 35 and she was 34. That was ten years ago.

[Stealth01]

Wow. I don't think I've ever seen a more pathetic thread on a more pathetic topic. On this site, anyway.

BT -- Just for the record, I don't think you're gay. Unless you're a gay man trapped in a woman's body. :d

[Valerie]

Originally posted by askabry btw, bogus...

I met my wife when I was 35 and she was 34. That was ten years ago.
You just gave me hope, Askabry. :) After 30 you really start to worry if you haven't found your soulmate. I'm so glad to hear you didn't find your's until you were 35. And, it sounds like you couldn't be happier. :) That's great!! I wish you both the very best! :)

[BogusTrumper]

Man, bring up a hypothetical situation and everyone thinks I'm talking about me.

What's so pathetic, Stealth?

[Stealth01]

A guy who loves a woman but might leave her because she's not beautiful enough, and a bunch of people who, from that, derive that it's YOU in a homosexual relationship.

That's pathetic. :d

[BogusTrumper]

I find it kinda amusing. Kinda.

[BogusTrumper]

I didn't mean to confuse anyone. I just find it interesting to get a man's point of view on relationships.

Doc Love's Answer (http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove_150/152_relationship_expert.html)

* * *

On the other hand, maybe your Interest Level in Melissa is actually higher than you've been willing to admit to yourself. Perhaps you have a belief that you can only fall in love with a stunning babe and the fact that you've fallen for a 7.5 doesn't compute for you. So take a reality check. If your Interest Level in Melissa is somewhere in the 80s, then you're a winner in the lottery of love. Get over your ego and get on with the romance.

In order to gain complete clarity on this entire issue, you have to thoroughly examine your fundamental personal values. To you Psych Majors, you have to search your soul. How much of your desire to have a supermodel on your arm is based on needing the respect and approval of other people to compensate for your own lack of self-esteem? Or, is this just the way you're built and you need to honor that?

* * *

[reeves84]

Some people take some things too seriously.

Get a good wife for home and a series of mistresses for away games.

[BogusTrumper]

I think I prefer the serious answers :shakehead

[reeves84]

How do you know they were serious?

And how do you know I am not?

[gonzo]

This might help put it in perspective...