monkeyjunctionn
January 28th, 2007, 2:03:46 PM
Saw this, thought it was funny, a bit lenghty but somes up Super Bowl "season" for us for last 13 seasons
The Real Football Fan’s View of the Super Bowl
Yes it’s that time of the year again. For all of us not from Punxsutawney, it’s an event right up there with the major Holidays. An event so big it has its own two week Lenten/Advent preparation period. Yes it’s Super Bowl ‘Season” again. For the next two weeks we will be smothered with stories of the friendship between Colts coach Tony Dungy and the Bears coach Smith who I think heard named after Mr. Howell’s wife on Gilligan’s Island. We will hear how Peyton Manning achieved his Mangum Opus (hey I saw Charlotte’s Web this weekend) by finally beating Tom Brady in the AFC Championship. We will see all of the past Super Bowl clips where an alien might actually think Joe Montana was a deity or I think at 5’9” and 175 lbs; I could have started as an offensive lineman in the old days. These are all pleasant events, kinda like trimming the tree, coloring eggs, or buying the charcoal for the 4th. Things that bring the season to light. The only problem is, for a true card carrying football fan, the season, and unless you live in Indiana or Chicago the Super Bowl game itself, pretty much… sucks.
Since summer left us in September, diehard football fans have had week after week of entertainment. Throw in Fantasy Football, and pretty much football season is like your doctor telling you “You must eat until you feel sick at the all you can eat buffet every day” and to top it off you go home and find out the hardcore porn channel is free this month! The NFL provides that much entertainment value to a diehard fan. Twenty weeks of sensory overload. We need the offseason as a period of hibernation as we exert far too much energy during the period to function at this rate all year long. So why is this period of the year, the Fat Tuesday to Mardi Gras such a bummer to us? Well let’s explore that a bit.
First of all, if you have a team you love, odds are you are bitter and jealous that your team is not there and you are still ready to argue that despite your team being 7-9, they are far more qualified to represent their conference in the big game than the team that actually made it. It’s the referee’s fault; they are out to get us again, a conspiracy.
Another big factor is the games often stink and even when close, diehard fan’s are often too drunk or stuffed to see the end as the commercials and flamboyant halftime events take each quarter nearly six hours to complete.
Let’s talk about the halftime shows. Do you think any member of the Hog’s or Dawg Pound really wants to see whomever the aging, desperate halftime performer happens to be sing some cheesy 4 minute condensing of all their hits? Sure I like “Let’s Get Crazy” by Prince but I really don’t want to see him humping his guitar in butt-cheekless pants as he pushes 50 (didn’t really want to see it in his twenties either).
The Super Bowl for real football fans, it’s the safer, gentler version of the metal band you loved in high school that “sold out” and put out a sappy Top 40 ballad that even your mother hummed along to. It’s when the football season “Jumps the Shark”, like when an aging sitcom has to add a new kid or character to spice it up. There is so much glitz and hype that it cheapens the product to diehards. I don’t really want to hear my buddy’s mother in-law say how cute she thinks Peyton Manning is and make some ridiculous comment such as “They should put him in commercials”. Also, seeing celebrities sitting in stands in stylish clothing is so against the fat guy in only a thong and face paint in sub-zero temperatures you see during the regular season that defines the “true” meaning of the NFL. If you a churchgoer, and on Easter your regular seat is taken by the guy who comes once a year, that’s what the Super Bowl is like to a diehard fan.
But perhaps the saddest thing about the Super Bowl Season is that it is the ending the longest period of slacking off, overeating, and irresponsibleness allowed since Pompeii (watch our for Mt. Saint Helene’s Seattle fans). It’s time to pretend to be adult again. Talk to your spouse again. Fix the toilet that has been running since Labor Day. For a diehard football fan, it is a time to re-enter reality. A sad finale to a fantastic 20-week party. From now until September, drinking twelve beers, eating six pieces of pizza, and downing two dozen wings in a three hour period becomes socially unacceptable. Any painting of the face is… well left reserved for those in theatre. At work, we have to actually work. What will I do without spending half of my day checking fantasy stats and strategies for the next week? From now on, going to a bar for six hours on a Sunday might be considered a “problem”. The Super Bowl is the funeral to the fabulous NFL Season not a celebration.
Perhaps Super Bowl Sunday is not a Holiday. All other Holidays end with the big celebration. Super Bowl Sunday ends with the dirge of reality. It’s time to pretend to be a responsible member of society for thirty weeks. OK, 29 weeks, the NFL draft is coming in April!
The Real Football Fan’s View of the Super Bowl
Yes it’s that time of the year again. For all of us not from Punxsutawney, it’s an event right up there with the major Holidays. An event so big it has its own two week Lenten/Advent preparation period. Yes it’s Super Bowl ‘Season” again. For the next two weeks we will be smothered with stories of the friendship between Colts coach Tony Dungy and the Bears coach Smith who I think heard named after Mr. Howell’s wife on Gilligan’s Island. We will hear how Peyton Manning achieved his Mangum Opus (hey I saw Charlotte’s Web this weekend) by finally beating Tom Brady in the AFC Championship. We will see all of the past Super Bowl clips where an alien might actually think Joe Montana was a deity or I think at 5’9” and 175 lbs; I could have started as an offensive lineman in the old days. These are all pleasant events, kinda like trimming the tree, coloring eggs, or buying the charcoal for the 4th. Things that bring the season to light. The only problem is, for a true card carrying football fan, the season, and unless you live in Indiana or Chicago the Super Bowl game itself, pretty much… sucks.
Since summer left us in September, diehard football fans have had week after week of entertainment. Throw in Fantasy Football, and pretty much football season is like your doctor telling you “You must eat until you feel sick at the all you can eat buffet every day” and to top it off you go home and find out the hardcore porn channel is free this month! The NFL provides that much entertainment value to a diehard fan. Twenty weeks of sensory overload. We need the offseason as a period of hibernation as we exert far too much energy during the period to function at this rate all year long. So why is this period of the year, the Fat Tuesday to Mardi Gras such a bummer to us? Well let’s explore that a bit.
First of all, if you have a team you love, odds are you are bitter and jealous that your team is not there and you are still ready to argue that despite your team being 7-9, they are far more qualified to represent their conference in the big game than the team that actually made it. It’s the referee’s fault; they are out to get us again, a conspiracy.
Another big factor is the games often stink and even when close, diehard fan’s are often too drunk or stuffed to see the end as the commercials and flamboyant halftime events take each quarter nearly six hours to complete.
Let’s talk about the halftime shows. Do you think any member of the Hog’s or Dawg Pound really wants to see whomever the aging, desperate halftime performer happens to be sing some cheesy 4 minute condensing of all their hits? Sure I like “Let’s Get Crazy” by Prince but I really don’t want to see him humping his guitar in butt-cheekless pants as he pushes 50 (didn’t really want to see it in his twenties either).
The Super Bowl for real football fans, it’s the safer, gentler version of the metal band you loved in high school that “sold out” and put out a sappy Top 40 ballad that even your mother hummed along to. It’s when the football season “Jumps the Shark”, like when an aging sitcom has to add a new kid or character to spice it up. There is so much glitz and hype that it cheapens the product to diehards. I don’t really want to hear my buddy’s mother in-law say how cute she thinks Peyton Manning is and make some ridiculous comment such as “They should put him in commercials”. Also, seeing celebrities sitting in stands in stylish clothing is so against the fat guy in only a thong and face paint in sub-zero temperatures you see during the regular season that defines the “true” meaning of the NFL. If you a churchgoer, and on Easter your regular seat is taken by the guy who comes once a year, that’s what the Super Bowl is like to a diehard fan.
But perhaps the saddest thing about the Super Bowl Season is that it is the ending the longest period of slacking off, overeating, and irresponsibleness allowed since Pompeii (watch our for Mt. Saint Helene’s Seattle fans). It’s time to pretend to be adult again. Talk to your spouse again. Fix the toilet that has been running since Labor Day. For a diehard football fan, it is a time to re-enter reality. A sad finale to a fantastic 20-week party. From now until September, drinking twelve beers, eating six pieces of pizza, and downing two dozen wings in a three hour period becomes socially unacceptable. Any painting of the face is… well left reserved for those in theatre. At work, we have to actually work. What will I do without spending half of my day checking fantasy stats and strategies for the next week? From now on, going to a bar for six hours on a Sunday might be considered a “problem”. The Super Bowl is the funeral to the fabulous NFL Season not a celebration.
Perhaps Super Bowl Sunday is not a Holiday. All other Holidays end with the big celebration. Super Bowl Sunday ends with the dirge of reality. It’s time to pretend to be a responsible member of society for thirty weeks. OK, 29 weeks, the NFL draft is coming in April!